Occasionally, you get the really awful people who come into the library, and even though it's a public place and everything is free, you wish you could institute some kind of rule to keep people like them out. Take, for instance, the annoying smelly computer guys. They are a father / son team. They come in solely to use the computers, which is fine for people who don't have the internet at home, or people who need to print things out who don't have printers at home...I get it. Computers are an important resource, and libraries should provide them for free.
But these guys are just a completely different story. My main problem? They come in to use the FREE internet and then COMPLAIN LOUDLY how their computers at home are SOOOO MUCH FASTER THAN THIS.
Seriously guys? I mean, seriously? It's FREE. Go home and use your own stupid internet instead of coming in here and annoying everyone in the building with your nonsense.
So you understand the "annoying" and "computer guys" parts of their name, but there is also the "smelly" bit. Yeah. Not only are they totally obnoxious but they smell bad, too. These are the kind of people there need to be rules about.
NO USING THE FREE COMPUTERS IF YOU ALREADY HAVE ONES AT HOME THAT YOU ARE GOING TO LOUDLY PRONOUNCE TO EVERYONE ARE MUCH BETTER THAN THESE. THAT ARE, ONCE AGAIN, FREE.
ALSO, TAKE A SHOWER.
Yeah, so I have some pet peeves, but can you blame me? Oh yeah, and on top of all that, the kid once got caught looking at porn on one of our computers. Guess who saw him? No, not me. It was a little five or six year old boy. Now, as for me, I really have no problem with porn in general, but looking at it on a public computer where you don't know who else is looking is just wrong. Plus, what are you gonna do? Jerk off under the table? Yeah, like no one is gonna notice that. Go home and use your really fast internet for that stuff, annoying smelly computer guy.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
The Dirty Joke
Ok, I've talked about him enough, so here you go: the story of the dirty joke guy.
He would come in, and even if you didn’t see him, you’d hear him. He has one of those disgusting smoker coughs, but it was always especially loud and forceful. And sometimes it would just come out as a strange “AAGHGHH” instead of a real cough. He would always smile strangely at me and say “Hello!” and sometimes ask me if a movie was good or not. I was always very polite to him. One time, he came and found me where I was putting books away and told me about this commercial for a car, with all these little woodland animals singing, and then a wolf shows up and frightens the other animals. I’m not sure what the point of him telling me about it was, but he went off cackling like it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard, followed by several of his signature coughs/weird noises. One of the circ librarians, who is my supervisor, asked me if I had ever heard his penguin joke. I said no. She said that every time he comes up to the counter, if it’s remotely cold out, he makes the same penguin joke. I finally heard him tell it to her one day.
“Hey! You know it’s so cold out there, I saw penguins ice skating in the parking lot!!”
The dirty joke incident happened one day when I was walking towards the front of the library, just going past the children’s section, when he intercepted me.
He would come in, and even if you didn’t see him, you’d hear him. He has one of those disgusting smoker coughs, but it was always especially loud and forceful. And sometimes it would just come out as a strange “AAGHGHH” instead of a real cough. He would always smile strangely at me and say “Hello!” and sometimes ask me if a movie was good or not. I was always very polite to him. One time, he came and found me where I was putting books away and told me about this commercial for a car, with all these little woodland animals singing, and then a wolf shows up and frightens the other animals. I’m not sure what the point of him telling me about it was, but he went off cackling like it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard, followed by several of his signature coughs/weird noises. One of the circ librarians, who is my supervisor, asked me if I had ever heard his penguin joke. I said no. She said that every time he comes up to the counter, if it’s remotely cold out, he makes the same penguin joke. I finally heard him tell it to her one day.
“Hey! You know it’s so cold out there, I saw penguins ice skating in the parking lot!!”
The dirty joke incident happened one day when I was walking towards the front of the library, just going past the children’s section, when he intercepted me.
“You want to hear a really funny joke?”
He looked so eager and excited to tell me, I figured, why not? “Ok.”
Now, what made the joke so inappropriate was the fact that we were in a library, in front of the children’s section, and I’m an employee. It’s not like I haven’t ever heard anything like that before, but when this guy is known for finding a car commercial funny and his big joke is about ice skating penguins, how could I have expected his really funny joke to be about a parrot fucking chickens? Yes, he said the word “fucking.” Twice. In front of children. Did I mention he’s a little hard of hearing, and talks quite loudly? Yeah. It was extremely awkward. He walked off laughing and wheezing, and I stood there, not entirely sure what to do. It was not one of my prouder moments. I felt like everyone was watching me, and another patron went up and complained about his language, but by the time another librarian came over to me, he had already walked away and there was nothing anyone could do.
I avoided him for a long time after that, always finding work to do in the meeting room or in the work room so he couldn’t talk to me. The other librarians were very understanding and are still always on the lookout to protect me from the creepy people like him. After a while, I started to feel bad about it though, because he obviously had no idea how tasteless the joke was, and was probably just trying to make me laugh. I stopped avoiding him but he stopped coming in as often anyway, which is just as well.
If you're curious, here is the joke, without the swearing. But when it says he "annoys" the neighbors' chickens, well, you know what it really means.
Friday, March 18, 2011
When Libraries Attack!!
Everyone is always surprised when I hurt myself at my job. Libraries seem like a safe place, besides the occasional paper cut, right? But it's just the opposite. I'm constantly dodging falling books, and sometimes the shelves jump out and bite.
Well, not really.
But one time, I was putting away books and I snagged my finger on a loose screw sticking out of the shelf. It didn't seem like a big deal until I noticed I was bleeding. A lot. It had ripped quite a bit of skin out of place. I was walking back to see if we had band aids anywhere, and that volunteer guy who asked me out on a date (before that happened though) saw me and asked what was wrong so I showed him. He said "Wow. How did you do that? Was it from punching that guy?" (This was an allusion to the old man with the horrible joke, which I still have yet to tell...)
Just recently, I had another shelf attack. I bumped my finger but then noticed it hurt a lot more than if I had actually just bumped it. I looked closer and realized there was a paint chip from the shelf jammed under my fingernail. How did that happen? I didn't even care. I just wanted it OUT OF THERE. I tried not to run over to the circulation counter, and had to wait for what seemed like forever for one of my coworkers to be free. I had no idea where to find some tweezers, because that was the only thing that was going to get it out. Then when they finally were able to pay attention to me, they stood around discussing the possible options and came back to me with giant scissor looking things. There was no way I was trying to get this tiny paint chip shoved in such a sensitive spot with those monstrosities. Finally, I got my hands on some tweezers and had it out in a few seconds.
This just goes to show you that the library is anything but safe.
And I wasn't kidding about dodging falling books. It seriously does happen.
Well, not really.
But one time, I was putting away books and I snagged my finger on a loose screw sticking out of the shelf. It didn't seem like a big deal until I noticed I was bleeding. A lot. It had ripped quite a bit of skin out of place. I was walking back to see if we had band aids anywhere, and that volunteer guy who asked me out on a date (before that happened though) saw me and asked what was wrong so I showed him. He said "Wow. How did you do that? Was it from punching that guy?" (This was an allusion to the old man with the horrible joke, which I still have yet to tell...)
Just recently, I had another shelf attack. I bumped my finger but then noticed it hurt a lot more than if I had actually just bumped it. I looked closer and realized there was a paint chip from the shelf jammed under my fingernail. How did that happen? I didn't even care. I just wanted it OUT OF THERE. I tried not to run over to the circulation counter, and had to wait for what seemed like forever for one of my coworkers to be free. I had no idea where to find some tweezers, because that was the only thing that was going to get it out. Then when they finally were able to pay attention to me, they stood around discussing the possible options and came back to me with giant scissor looking things. There was no way I was trying to get this tiny paint chip shoved in such a sensitive spot with those monstrosities. Finally, I got my hands on some tweezers and had it out in a few seconds.
This just goes to show you that the library is anything but safe.
And I wasn't kidding about dodging falling books. It seriously does happen.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Funny People
Sometimes, I get to hear the funniest things from the people who come into the library. Only, sometimes I can't laugh because it's only funny to me, not to them. That is probably one of the most difficult things I have to do.
One day, a man came in and asked me where he might find books on plumbing. I usually don't ask why people are looking for a certain book, unless it really captures my interest, but sometimes they'll just volunteer the information. I showed him the plumbing books, and he said "Oh, yeah, this is great, thanks. My wife fell on the bathtub faucet and broke it right off."
You can see why this is funny, right? I imagined so many different scenarios in my head, all of them hilarious, but all I could say to him was, "Well, I hope you can find what you need here."
But if your wife is that clumsy and has enough girth to break the faucet right off, no book is going to help you.
I have one other moment like this that I can remember off the top of my head. A guy came in and had looked up the number for a book, but couldn't find it, so he wanted me to help him. What was the book? It was about bigfoot. Again, I don't need to know why you are looking for a book on a mythical creature, but sure, feel free to explain yourself anyway.
"Yeah, uh, it's not for me, it's for my stupid friend. Yeah, he's high all the time. Thinks he saw something."
That is the one time I nearly lost it and laughed in a person's face. The way he said it, the whole idea of his "friend" thinking he saw something that was almost certainly bigfoot, well, it was almost too much for me to handle that day.
One day, a man came in and asked me where he might find books on plumbing. I usually don't ask why people are looking for a certain book, unless it really captures my interest, but sometimes they'll just volunteer the information. I showed him the plumbing books, and he said "Oh, yeah, this is great, thanks. My wife fell on the bathtub faucet and broke it right off."
You can see why this is funny, right? I imagined so many different scenarios in my head, all of them hilarious, but all I could say to him was, "Well, I hope you can find what you need here."
But if your wife is that clumsy and has enough girth to break the faucet right off, no book is going to help you.
I have one other moment like this that I can remember off the top of my head. A guy came in and had looked up the number for a book, but couldn't find it, so he wanted me to help him. What was the book? It was about bigfoot. Again, I don't need to know why you are looking for a book on a mythical creature, but sure, feel free to explain yourself anyway.
"Yeah, uh, it's not for me, it's for my stupid friend. Yeah, he's high all the time. Thinks he saw something."
That is the one time I nearly lost it and laughed in a person's face. The way he said it, the whole idea of his "friend" thinking he saw something that was almost certainly bigfoot, well, it was almost too much for me to handle that day.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Crazy Town
The day they installed children's games on the library computers was a dark day. No longer could I look forward to silence while I was at work; instead, I get to look forward to hearing the same voices say the same things over and over and over again. They used to be out with all the other computers but eventually got moved into the kids room, but it didn't matter; you can still hear Elmo loud and clear from the furthest point away from the computer. It's absolute torture. You might think it's not that bad, but really it is. I can't tell you how many times I have wanted to take a sledgehammer to those computers. It's not just the annoying voices and sound effects (although that is a major part of it), but it's mainly the repetition. In the span of one game, I can hear the same phrases and noises at least fifteen times. Now, multiply that by the dozens of kids who come in to play the game in the five or six hours that I'm working, and maybe you can start to see how this affects me. I had started writing this post a while ago, and in light of my last post this seems so irrelevant and part of me thinks, who the hell cares about this stuff anyway? But life goes on even when tragedy strikes and I'm trying to put the pieces back together and move on, and if it takes talking about annoying computer games to do that, then that's what's happening.
Elmo is the absolute worst invention ever in the history of children's characters, and this is coming from someone who thinks Jim Henson was a genius. But it's not just Elmo and his stupid voice. It's Dora the Explorer. And Spongebob Squarepants. And something called Reader Rabbit and the stupid mouse character that does all the activities. And the skeleton guy. Oh, that skeleton guy.
I'm not sure why it's not there anymore, but there used to be a game where you could have Green Eggs and Ham read to you, along with animations and various sound effects. That sounds amazing, right? WRONG. Don't misunderstand me, I absolutely love Dr. Seuss, and in particular Green Eggs and Ham, since that book is what taught me to read. But imagine a really obnoxious voice, one that overdramatizes. Every. Single. Word. And that's what Sam sounds like. Now imagine a grumpy old man voice, and you have the other character. Throw in annoying overdone cartoon sound effects and that's essentially the whole thing. It was enough to make me want to gouge out my eardrums.
Reader Rabbit might even be worse than that, though. I have no idea how the game got that name, because there is absolutely nothing there that teaches kids how to read. There are games where they color, do hand motions to certain songs, pop bubbles, do shape puzzles, but NOTHING involving reading. That really bothers me! And then I have to hear the Itsy Bitsy Spider eight times in a row, usually with the kid playing the game singing along. Badly.
Spongebob Squarepants used to be a show that I enjoyed watching, as stupid as it is. I never realized just how annoying he was until the game happened. First of all, it's a typing game, like Mavis Beacon, only with Spongebob and Patrick and Squidward. Kids who watch Spongebob don't understand what typing is or that the point of the game is to type things correctly. They just bash away at the keyboard, making bugs squish (with disgusting sound effects) all over the windshield. Mr. Krabs' voice, saying the same things over and over again: just awful.
Then there's the skeleton guy. I have the smallest problem with this game compard to the others because I'm partial to science and biology in particular, and this game teaches human anatomy. That's pretty cool, even if his voice is dreadful. But what really gets me? The alarm clock. I'm not sure why you have to wake him up for the game to start, but you do, and not only does it sound like the computer broke and is beeping in that "warning! warning!" kind of way; but it sounds just like the alarm clock I had when I was in high school and I get flashbacks of waking up at 5:30 in the morning and waiting for the bus in the cold...ugh.
And these games are just a smattering of what's available to play. There's a whole slew more of this junk that I get to hear on a daily basis. So there you have it: my slow but sure descent into Crazy Town. My eye is twitching just thinking about going to work tomorrow.
Elmo is the absolute worst invention ever in the history of children's characters, and this is coming from someone who thinks Jim Henson was a genius. But it's not just Elmo and his stupid voice. It's Dora the Explorer. And Spongebob Squarepants. And something called Reader Rabbit and the stupid mouse character that does all the activities. And the skeleton guy. Oh, that skeleton guy.
I'm not sure why it's not there anymore, but there used to be a game where you could have Green Eggs and Ham read to you, along with animations and various sound effects. That sounds amazing, right? WRONG. Don't misunderstand me, I absolutely love Dr. Seuss, and in particular Green Eggs and Ham, since that book is what taught me to read. But imagine a really obnoxious voice, one that overdramatizes. Every. Single. Word. And that's what Sam sounds like. Now imagine a grumpy old man voice, and you have the other character. Throw in annoying overdone cartoon sound effects and that's essentially the whole thing. It was enough to make me want to gouge out my eardrums.
Reader Rabbit might even be worse than that, though. I have no idea how the game got that name, because there is absolutely nothing there that teaches kids how to read. There are games where they color, do hand motions to certain songs, pop bubbles, do shape puzzles, but NOTHING involving reading. That really bothers me! And then I have to hear the Itsy Bitsy Spider eight times in a row, usually with the kid playing the game singing along. Badly.
Spongebob Squarepants used to be a show that I enjoyed watching, as stupid as it is. I never realized just how annoying he was until the game happened. First of all, it's a typing game, like Mavis Beacon, only with Spongebob and Patrick and Squidward. Kids who watch Spongebob don't understand what typing is or that the point of the game is to type things correctly. They just bash away at the keyboard, making bugs squish (with disgusting sound effects) all over the windshield. Mr. Krabs' voice, saying the same things over and over again: just awful.
Then there's the skeleton guy. I have the smallest problem with this game compard to the others because I'm partial to science and biology in particular, and this game teaches human anatomy. That's pretty cool, even if his voice is dreadful. But what really gets me? The alarm clock. I'm not sure why you have to wake him up for the game to start, but you do, and not only does it sound like the computer broke and is beeping in that "warning! warning!" kind of way; but it sounds just like the alarm clock I had when I was in high school and I get flashbacks of waking up at 5:30 in the morning and waiting for the bus in the cold...ugh.
And these games are just a smattering of what's available to play. There's a whole slew more of this junk that I get to hear on a daily basis. So there you have it: my slow but sure descent into Crazy Town. My eye is twitching just thinking about going to work tomorrow.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Kris
I have refrained from using anyone's real name in here and I plan to keep on doing so, but not this time. This is a big deal to me and I can't imagine not using his name in here. In my last post, I mentioned a guy flirting with me before moving to the other side of the world. That guy was Kris. I know I made it sound like it happened that one time and then he was gone, but it was much more involved than that. I wasn't going to elaborate on it at all except that I just found out that he has passed away, and it makes me want to share our story even though it's extremely brief. This happened at the end of June, just this past year. I had seen him in the library on and off for a long time but never really talked to him until more recently.
We talked in the library twice, the first time when he introduced himself and we talked about music and he told me that he's from Australia (yeah...on top of everything else...an Australian accent. Swoon). He was adorable. No two ways about it. Everything about him. The next time I saw him, he wanted me to help him print out forms so that he could mail things to himself in Australia. He told me he was moving back there that weekend. I was kind of shocked, but I figured that's just my luck. He wrote down his name for me and told me to find him on facebook. So I did. Imagine my surprise when, over a week later, he accepted my friend request and wrote on my wall telling me that he was leaving for Australia TOMORROW. I found out later that he missed the original flight. This was my second chance! I was at my other job and I went on facebook when I should have been working, but this was perfect. He left me his phone number so I sent him a text to come hang out with me at work. He said he would love to but had no way of getting there. So you know what happened? My boss let me leave and go get him and then bring him back while another girl covered for me. It made me so happy. I brought him back, he hung around while I finished my shift, and then I took him home with me. I was housesitting for some friends, so we went to their house and I decided we were not sleeping. We were going to make the most of this time together and stay awake the whole night. We almost did, falling asleep at 5:30am and then waking up at 7. That night will always stay with me. I hate to sound so cheesy and cliched, but we really connected. We liked a lot of the same music, and laughed at all the same things, and I could listen to him talk for hours with that accent. It was so amazing. In the morning, I took him back to his place so he could start packing and get ready, and I went back home but then went to his place after a little bit. He was sending me threatening texts, too, saying "you better hurry up, you have one minute!" So I pretty much sat there and watched him run around shoving things in a suitcase. But I still wouldn't trade that time for anything. We listened to music together; he turned the volume all the way up on one song to annoy the upstairs neighbors because he said they were always waking him up too early in the morning, running around and stuff. I always think of him when I hear that song, and I know I always will.
The time came too quickly that his ride showed up to take him to the airport. I'll never forget him walking me to my car and giving me a kiss and then running and jumping into the van, smashing his face against the window at me and blowing kisses and they drove off. He called me from the airport. Twice. He called me when he was back in Australia. We could talk for hours. We facebook messaged. Facebook chatted. We texted. But we both got busier, he was going back to school and doing volunteer work, and we had less time to talk and text. But every time we talked he told me he loved me and always said "miss you heaps" and we would never be able to hang up. It would take forever to say goodbye, and he would make me hang up first. We weren't technically a couple, but we both obviously liked each other, and had the circumstances been different, we probably would have ended up dating. He was probably coming back in December and we would have a week or two together. Well, I started dating someone else. I told him, and he was sad, but he was ok with it. His main concern? If I was happy. I cried during that conversation, because I realized just how sweet he was. He told me he was seeing someone else too, but that he was already over it and didn't see it going anywhere. That made me feel a little better, that it wasn't just me. We still talked, but less frequently. He didn't come in December. Partly because of me, I think, but there were probably other reasons too. I guess I'll never know.
We talked once more, on December 22nd. He texted me to ask if he could call because he missed talking to me, so I said yes, and he called. We talked for about an hour. He was so tired and sounded like he was getting sick but he still wanted to talk. He asked me everything that had been going on since we last talked, and it was a good conversation. I'm kicking myself now because he called two more times after that, and I missed the calls but never called him back. I texted him twice, once the day before he died, and one after he had already passed. I didn't find out until a week after it had happened. I can't tell you how much it hurts. He was such a special person, and he made me feel special too. He never missed an opportunity to make me feel great about myself. He also never got tired of making fun of how he said hello to me outside the library that day we first talked, and I ignored him. I don't know how many times I explained to him that I didn't realize he was talking to me, but he still gave me a hard time for it. We always laughed about that. Even though I never told him how I felt about him, I hope that he knew. I guess none of this is really too relevant to my blog, except that here is someone I met at the library and he deeply affected me and now he's gone.
This is for you Kris.
I miss you.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
We talked in the library twice, the first time when he introduced himself and we talked about music and he told me that he's from Australia (yeah...on top of everything else...an Australian accent. Swoon). He was adorable. No two ways about it. Everything about him. The next time I saw him, he wanted me to help him print out forms so that he could mail things to himself in Australia. He told me he was moving back there that weekend. I was kind of shocked, but I figured that's just my luck. He wrote down his name for me and told me to find him on facebook. So I did. Imagine my surprise when, over a week later, he accepted my friend request and wrote on my wall telling me that he was leaving for Australia TOMORROW. I found out later that he missed the original flight. This was my second chance! I was at my other job and I went on facebook when I should have been working, but this was perfect. He left me his phone number so I sent him a text to come hang out with me at work. He said he would love to but had no way of getting there. So you know what happened? My boss let me leave and go get him and then bring him back while another girl covered for me. It made me so happy. I brought him back, he hung around while I finished my shift, and then I took him home with me. I was housesitting for some friends, so we went to their house and I decided we were not sleeping. We were going to make the most of this time together and stay awake the whole night. We almost did, falling asleep at 5:30am and then waking up at 7. That night will always stay with me. I hate to sound so cheesy and cliched, but we really connected. We liked a lot of the same music, and laughed at all the same things, and I could listen to him talk for hours with that accent. It was so amazing. In the morning, I took him back to his place so he could start packing and get ready, and I went back home but then went to his place after a little bit. He was sending me threatening texts, too, saying "you better hurry up, you have one minute!" So I pretty much sat there and watched him run around shoving things in a suitcase. But I still wouldn't trade that time for anything. We listened to music together; he turned the volume all the way up on one song to annoy the upstairs neighbors because he said they were always waking him up too early in the morning, running around and stuff. I always think of him when I hear that song, and I know I always will.
The time came too quickly that his ride showed up to take him to the airport. I'll never forget him walking me to my car and giving me a kiss and then running and jumping into the van, smashing his face against the window at me and blowing kisses and they drove off. He called me from the airport. Twice. He called me when he was back in Australia. We could talk for hours. We facebook messaged. Facebook chatted. We texted. But we both got busier, he was going back to school and doing volunteer work, and we had less time to talk and text. But every time we talked he told me he loved me and always said "miss you heaps" and we would never be able to hang up. It would take forever to say goodbye, and he would make me hang up first. We weren't technically a couple, but we both obviously liked each other, and had the circumstances been different, we probably would have ended up dating. He was probably coming back in December and we would have a week or two together. Well, I started dating someone else. I told him, and he was sad, but he was ok with it. His main concern? If I was happy. I cried during that conversation, because I realized just how sweet he was. He told me he was seeing someone else too, but that he was already over it and didn't see it going anywhere. That made me feel a little better, that it wasn't just me. We still talked, but less frequently. He didn't come in December. Partly because of me, I think, but there were probably other reasons too. I guess I'll never know.
We talked once more, on December 22nd. He texted me to ask if he could call because he missed talking to me, so I said yes, and he called. We talked for about an hour. He was so tired and sounded like he was getting sick but he still wanted to talk. He asked me everything that had been going on since we last talked, and it was a good conversation. I'm kicking myself now because he called two more times after that, and I missed the calls but never called him back. I texted him twice, once the day before he died, and one after he had already passed. I didn't find out until a week after it had happened. I can't tell you how much it hurts. He was such a special person, and he made me feel special too. He never missed an opportunity to make me feel great about myself. He also never got tired of making fun of how he said hello to me outside the library that day we first talked, and I ignored him. I don't know how many times I explained to him that I didn't realize he was talking to me, but he still gave me a hard time for it. We always laughed about that. Even though I never told him how I felt about him, I hope that he knew. I guess none of this is really too relevant to my blog, except that here is someone I met at the library and he deeply affected me and now he's gone.
This is for you Kris.
I miss you.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Philandering Part 2: Van Halen Guy
I guess I should follow up that last post with some more stories about my encounters with the weird old men of the library. I actually lied, there was another time a guy not too much older than me was flirting with me and it was pretty awesome, until he told me he was moving to the other side of the world in a week. Just my luck. So, where was I? Maybe now is a good time to tell the story of Van Halen Guy.
Van Halen Guy got his name because he loves the Bee Gees. That was a joke. He actually really loves Abba. That was another joke. I could do this all night. He got his name because one night, when he was watching videos on YouTube, he loudly pronounced "Man, Hendrix only wished he could play like that. Heh. Eddie Van Halen could shit all over him!" I do know his real name, but you shall only know him as Van Halen Guy.
He soon decided that we should be friends, even though he is in his early fifties, and every time he saw me would tell me every kind of guitar he owns, and his amplifiers, and how he plays every day because he loves it so much. I don't really know a lot about guitars and gear and all that, but I always acted impressed anyway. Once he overheard me say that I was in a band though, and that really got things going. Then he wanted to be BFFs. He wanted to hear the CD. He wanted to give me advice. And he still wanted to tell me about all of his guitars.
VHG likes to google his name plus "best guitar player in the world" and show me all the hits. When his five year old son told me he wanted to marry me, VHG said "What did you do to my boy?!?" (The answer, of course, is nothing, because this was the first time I even met the kid).
VHG asked if he could take me out to dinner once. The next time he saw me, he had flowers for me. The next time after that, he said he only meant it as a friendly gesture and that he just wants to get to know me better. Then last week, he told me that he was just waiting for me to break up with my boyfriend so he can "move right in" on me. Followed up with "You think I'm joking! I'm not!" Another shelver was there, right on the other side of the shelf, and he overheard the whole thing. As VHG left, he said to that guy "She's a great girl, isn't she?"
Honestly, he is such a character, and while all of this might seem a little on the creepy side, he is one of my favorite people to ever come in the library. Sure, he got pulled aside by the cops once, when the library director found out he threatened another patron who was annoying him. But he also tells me how funny I am and that he's glad he knows me. He is one of the few people who comes in who enjoys talking to me and always says goodbye to me loudly, so everyone else can hear. It's sort of sweet, in a weird kind of way.
Van Halen Guy got his name because he loves the Bee Gees. That was a joke. He actually really loves Abba. That was another joke. I could do this all night. He got his name because one night, when he was watching videos on YouTube, he loudly pronounced "Man, Hendrix only wished he could play like that. Heh. Eddie Van Halen could shit all over him!" I do know his real name, but you shall only know him as Van Halen Guy.
He soon decided that we should be friends, even though he is in his early fifties, and every time he saw me would tell me every kind of guitar he owns, and his amplifiers, and how he plays every day because he loves it so much. I don't really know a lot about guitars and gear and all that, but I always acted impressed anyway. Once he overheard me say that I was in a band though, and that really got things going. Then he wanted to be BFFs. He wanted to hear the CD. He wanted to give me advice. And he still wanted to tell me about all of his guitars.
VHG likes to google his name plus "best guitar player in the world" and show me all the hits. When his five year old son told me he wanted to marry me, VHG said "What did you do to my boy?!?" (The answer, of course, is nothing, because this was the first time I even met the kid).
VHG asked if he could take me out to dinner once. The next time he saw me, he had flowers for me. The next time after that, he said he only meant it as a friendly gesture and that he just wants to get to know me better. Then last week, he told me that he was just waiting for me to break up with my boyfriend so he can "move right in" on me. Followed up with "You think I'm joking! I'm not!" Another shelver was there, right on the other side of the shelf, and he overheard the whole thing. As VHG left, he said to that guy "She's a great girl, isn't she?"
Honestly, he is such a character, and while all of this might seem a little on the creepy side, he is one of my favorite people to ever come in the library. Sure, he got pulled aside by the cops once, when the library director found out he threatened another patron who was annoying him. But he also tells me how funny I am and that he's glad he knows me. He is one of the few people who comes in who enjoys talking to me and always says goodbye to me loudly, so everyone else can hear. It's sort of sweet, in a weird kind of way.
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