The Crazy Old Lady

One thing about libraries is that they definitely attract weirdos.  Nobody believes this at first.  But trust me, hang around a library long enough, and you will see them.  My favorite nutty, senile old lady is "Betty."

Betty has been a patron of this library at least since I started working there, and I'm assuming she has been coming in for long before then.  I don't want to sound like I'm making fun of her here, because she definitely has some brain meltage resulting in crazy behavior.  This is simply to prove my point that the library isn't full of people sitting quietly at tables reading and whispering to each other.  In case I haven't already proved that with some of these stories about other people...

Anyway, here is one of the first things I remember about Betty.

She asked me, in her non-library voice (ie, VERY LOUDLY- this is her only volume), "WHERE ARE YOUR BOOKS ON MENOPAUSE?" 

I'm not trying to be rude, but I'm pretty sure Betty went through menopause a long time ago.  I obliged and showed her the menopause books, which she proceeded to stare at without taking any off the shelf and then tried to hold a conversation with me.  This can be a very tricky procedure, because typically, she'll start a sentence and trail off without finishing it, and then look at you like she wants you to respond, but you have no idea what to say because all she said was "Well, my cousin, he's really good at....."

I have witnessed other librarians ignoring her when she talks to them, which made me feel bad for her, so I always do my best to hold a conversation with her when she starts one with me.  Here is the best one we've ever had, and this is years ago.  She managed mostly complete sentences throughout the whole thing!

"I was at the grocery store and there's a girl who works at the checkout station and she was hitting on my husband!"
[willing suspension of disbelief, here, people...her husband is a short stocky old man that I'm sure no young woman would ever even think of hitting on]
"Oh wow, Betty.  That's crazy!"
"I know.  She was trying to steal my husband!  So I called her a bitch!"
"No way!"
"Well, I was flirting with the guy who works at the deli there.  You know.  He's married though.  And then he was talking to someone else and I heard them say they have to get rid of me.  Do you think that means they're going to kill me?"
"Oh, no, I'm sure that's not what they meant."
"They said they were going to get rid of me!"
"They probably were just going to ask you to leave."
"Well, you know, you can't trust men.  There's too many women out there!"

And on that note, she walked away.  That may be the last sane thing she ever said.