Everyone is always surprised when I hurt myself at my job. Libraries seem like a safe place, besides the occasional paper cut, right? But it's just the opposite. I'm constantly dodging falling books, and sometimes the shelves jump out and bite.
Well, not really.
But one time, I was putting away books and I snagged my finger on a loose screw sticking out of the shelf. It didn't seem like a big deal until I noticed I was bleeding. A lot. It had ripped quite a bit of skin out of place. I was walking back to see if we had band aids anywhere, and that volunteer guy who asked me out on a date (before that happened though) saw me and asked what was wrong so I showed him. He said "Wow. How did you do that? Was it from punching that guy?" (This was an allusion to the old man with the horrible joke, which I still have yet to tell...)
Just recently, I had another shelf attack. I bumped my finger but then noticed it hurt a lot more than if I had actually just bumped it. I looked closer and realized there was a paint chip from the shelf jammed under my fingernail. How did that happen? I didn't even care. I just wanted it OUT OF THERE. I tried not to run over to the circulation counter, and had to wait for what seemed like forever for one of my coworkers to be free. I had no idea where to find some tweezers, because that was the only thing that was going to get it out. Then when they finally were able to pay attention to me, they stood around discussing the possible options and came back to me with giant scissor looking things. There was no way I was trying to get this tiny paint chip shoved in such a sensitive spot with those monstrosities. Finally, I got my hands on some tweezers and had it out in a few seconds.
This just goes to show you that the library is anything but safe.
And I wasn't kidding about dodging falling books. It seriously does happen.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Funny People
Sometimes, I get to hear the funniest things from the people who come into the library. Only, sometimes I can't laugh because it's only funny to me, not to them. That is probably one of the most difficult things I have to do.
One day, a man came in and asked me where he might find books on plumbing. I usually don't ask why people are looking for a certain book, unless it really captures my interest, but sometimes they'll just volunteer the information. I showed him the plumbing books, and he said "Oh, yeah, this is great, thanks. My wife fell on the bathtub faucet and broke it right off."
You can see why this is funny, right? I imagined so many different scenarios in my head, all of them hilarious, but all I could say to him was, "Well, I hope you can find what you need here."
But if your wife is that clumsy and has enough girth to break the faucet right off, no book is going to help you.
I have one other moment like this that I can remember off the top of my head. A guy came in and had looked up the number for a book, but couldn't find it, so he wanted me to help him. What was the book? It was about bigfoot. Again, I don't need to know why you are looking for a book on a mythical creature, but sure, feel free to explain yourself anyway.
"Yeah, uh, it's not for me, it's for my stupid friend. Yeah, he's high all the time. Thinks he saw something."
That is the one time I nearly lost it and laughed in a person's face. The way he said it, the whole idea of his "friend" thinking he saw something that was almost certainly bigfoot, well, it was almost too much for me to handle that day.
One day, a man came in and asked me where he might find books on plumbing. I usually don't ask why people are looking for a certain book, unless it really captures my interest, but sometimes they'll just volunteer the information. I showed him the plumbing books, and he said "Oh, yeah, this is great, thanks. My wife fell on the bathtub faucet and broke it right off."
You can see why this is funny, right? I imagined so many different scenarios in my head, all of them hilarious, but all I could say to him was, "Well, I hope you can find what you need here."
But if your wife is that clumsy and has enough girth to break the faucet right off, no book is going to help you.
I have one other moment like this that I can remember off the top of my head. A guy came in and had looked up the number for a book, but couldn't find it, so he wanted me to help him. What was the book? It was about bigfoot. Again, I don't need to know why you are looking for a book on a mythical creature, but sure, feel free to explain yourself anyway.
"Yeah, uh, it's not for me, it's for my stupid friend. Yeah, he's high all the time. Thinks he saw something."
That is the one time I nearly lost it and laughed in a person's face. The way he said it, the whole idea of his "friend" thinking he saw something that was almost certainly bigfoot, well, it was almost too much for me to handle that day.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Crazy Town
The day they installed children's games on the library computers was a dark day. No longer could I look forward to silence while I was at work; instead, I get to look forward to hearing the same voices say the same things over and over and over again. They used to be out with all the other computers but eventually got moved into the kids room, but it didn't matter; you can still hear Elmo loud and clear from the furthest point away from the computer. It's absolute torture. You might think it's not that bad, but really it is. I can't tell you how many times I have wanted to take a sledgehammer to those computers. It's not just the annoying voices and sound effects (although that is a major part of it), but it's mainly the repetition. In the span of one game, I can hear the same phrases and noises at least fifteen times. Now, multiply that by the dozens of kids who come in to play the game in the five or six hours that I'm working, and maybe you can start to see how this affects me. I had started writing this post a while ago, and in light of my last post this seems so irrelevant and part of me thinks, who the hell cares about this stuff anyway? But life goes on even when tragedy strikes and I'm trying to put the pieces back together and move on, and if it takes talking about annoying computer games to do that, then that's what's happening.
Elmo is the absolute worst invention ever in the history of children's characters, and this is coming from someone who thinks Jim Henson was a genius. But it's not just Elmo and his stupid voice. It's Dora the Explorer. And Spongebob Squarepants. And something called Reader Rabbit and the stupid mouse character that does all the activities. And the skeleton guy. Oh, that skeleton guy.
I'm not sure why it's not there anymore, but there used to be a game where you could have Green Eggs and Ham read to you, along with animations and various sound effects. That sounds amazing, right? WRONG. Don't misunderstand me, I absolutely love Dr. Seuss, and in particular Green Eggs and Ham, since that book is what taught me to read. But imagine a really obnoxious voice, one that overdramatizes. Every. Single. Word. And that's what Sam sounds like. Now imagine a grumpy old man voice, and you have the other character. Throw in annoying overdone cartoon sound effects and that's essentially the whole thing. It was enough to make me want to gouge out my eardrums.
Reader Rabbit might even be worse than that, though. I have no idea how the game got that name, because there is absolutely nothing there that teaches kids how to read. There are games where they color, do hand motions to certain songs, pop bubbles, do shape puzzles, but NOTHING involving reading. That really bothers me! And then I have to hear the Itsy Bitsy Spider eight times in a row, usually with the kid playing the game singing along. Badly.
Spongebob Squarepants used to be a show that I enjoyed watching, as stupid as it is. I never realized just how annoying he was until the game happened. First of all, it's a typing game, like Mavis Beacon, only with Spongebob and Patrick and Squidward. Kids who watch Spongebob don't understand what typing is or that the point of the game is to type things correctly. They just bash away at the keyboard, making bugs squish (with disgusting sound effects) all over the windshield. Mr. Krabs' voice, saying the same things over and over again: just awful.
Then there's the skeleton guy. I have the smallest problem with this game compard to the others because I'm partial to science and biology in particular, and this game teaches human anatomy. That's pretty cool, even if his voice is dreadful. But what really gets me? The alarm clock. I'm not sure why you have to wake him up for the game to start, but you do, and not only does it sound like the computer broke and is beeping in that "warning! warning!" kind of way; but it sounds just like the alarm clock I had when I was in high school and I get flashbacks of waking up at 5:30 in the morning and waiting for the bus in the cold...ugh.
And these games are just a smattering of what's available to play. There's a whole slew more of this junk that I get to hear on a daily basis. So there you have it: my slow but sure descent into Crazy Town. My eye is twitching just thinking about going to work tomorrow.
Elmo is the absolute worst invention ever in the history of children's characters, and this is coming from someone who thinks Jim Henson was a genius. But it's not just Elmo and his stupid voice. It's Dora the Explorer. And Spongebob Squarepants. And something called Reader Rabbit and the stupid mouse character that does all the activities. And the skeleton guy. Oh, that skeleton guy.
I'm not sure why it's not there anymore, but there used to be a game where you could have Green Eggs and Ham read to you, along with animations and various sound effects. That sounds amazing, right? WRONG. Don't misunderstand me, I absolutely love Dr. Seuss, and in particular Green Eggs and Ham, since that book is what taught me to read. But imagine a really obnoxious voice, one that overdramatizes. Every. Single. Word. And that's what Sam sounds like. Now imagine a grumpy old man voice, and you have the other character. Throw in annoying overdone cartoon sound effects and that's essentially the whole thing. It was enough to make me want to gouge out my eardrums.
Reader Rabbit might even be worse than that, though. I have no idea how the game got that name, because there is absolutely nothing there that teaches kids how to read. There are games where they color, do hand motions to certain songs, pop bubbles, do shape puzzles, but NOTHING involving reading. That really bothers me! And then I have to hear the Itsy Bitsy Spider eight times in a row, usually with the kid playing the game singing along. Badly.
Spongebob Squarepants used to be a show that I enjoyed watching, as stupid as it is. I never realized just how annoying he was until the game happened. First of all, it's a typing game, like Mavis Beacon, only with Spongebob and Patrick and Squidward. Kids who watch Spongebob don't understand what typing is or that the point of the game is to type things correctly. They just bash away at the keyboard, making bugs squish (with disgusting sound effects) all over the windshield. Mr. Krabs' voice, saying the same things over and over again: just awful.
Then there's the skeleton guy. I have the smallest problem with this game compard to the others because I'm partial to science and biology in particular, and this game teaches human anatomy. That's pretty cool, even if his voice is dreadful. But what really gets me? The alarm clock. I'm not sure why you have to wake him up for the game to start, but you do, and not only does it sound like the computer broke and is beeping in that "warning! warning!" kind of way; but it sounds just like the alarm clock I had when I was in high school and I get flashbacks of waking up at 5:30 in the morning and waiting for the bus in the cold...ugh.
And these games are just a smattering of what's available to play. There's a whole slew more of this junk that I get to hear on a daily basis. So there you have it: my slow but sure descent into Crazy Town. My eye is twitching just thinking about going to work tomorrow.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Kris
I have refrained from using anyone's real name in here and I plan to keep on doing so, but not this time. This is a big deal to me and I can't imagine not using his name in here. In my last post, I mentioned a guy flirting with me before moving to the other side of the world. That guy was Kris. I know I made it sound like it happened that one time and then he was gone, but it was much more involved than that. I wasn't going to elaborate on it at all except that I just found out that he has passed away, and it makes me want to share our story even though it's extremely brief. This happened at the end of June, just this past year. I had seen him in the library on and off for a long time but never really talked to him until more recently.
We talked in the library twice, the first time when he introduced himself and we talked about music and he told me that he's from Australia (yeah...on top of everything else...an Australian accent. Swoon). He was adorable. No two ways about it. Everything about him. The next time I saw him, he wanted me to help him print out forms so that he could mail things to himself in Australia. He told me he was moving back there that weekend. I was kind of shocked, but I figured that's just my luck. He wrote down his name for me and told me to find him on facebook. So I did. Imagine my surprise when, over a week later, he accepted my friend request and wrote on my wall telling me that he was leaving for Australia TOMORROW. I found out later that he missed the original flight. This was my second chance! I was at my other job and I went on facebook when I should have been working, but this was perfect. He left me his phone number so I sent him a text to come hang out with me at work. He said he would love to but had no way of getting there. So you know what happened? My boss let me leave and go get him and then bring him back while another girl covered for me. It made me so happy. I brought him back, he hung around while I finished my shift, and then I took him home with me. I was housesitting for some friends, so we went to their house and I decided we were not sleeping. We were going to make the most of this time together and stay awake the whole night. We almost did, falling asleep at 5:30am and then waking up at 7. That night will always stay with me. I hate to sound so cheesy and cliched, but we really connected. We liked a lot of the same music, and laughed at all the same things, and I could listen to him talk for hours with that accent. It was so amazing. In the morning, I took him back to his place so he could start packing and get ready, and I went back home but then went to his place after a little bit. He was sending me threatening texts, too, saying "you better hurry up, you have one minute!" So I pretty much sat there and watched him run around shoving things in a suitcase. But I still wouldn't trade that time for anything. We listened to music together; he turned the volume all the way up on one song to annoy the upstairs neighbors because he said they were always waking him up too early in the morning, running around and stuff. I always think of him when I hear that song, and I know I always will.
The time came too quickly that his ride showed up to take him to the airport. I'll never forget him walking me to my car and giving me a kiss and then running and jumping into the van, smashing his face against the window at me and blowing kisses and they drove off. He called me from the airport. Twice. He called me when he was back in Australia. We could talk for hours. We facebook messaged. Facebook chatted. We texted. But we both got busier, he was going back to school and doing volunteer work, and we had less time to talk and text. But every time we talked he told me he loved me and always said "miss you heaps" and we would never be able to hang up. It would take forever to say goodbye, and he would make me hang up first. We weren't technically a couple, but we both obviously liked each other, and had the circumstances been different, we probably would have ended up dating. He was probably coming back in December and we would have a week or two together. Well, I started dating someone else. I told him, and he was sad, but he was ok with it. His main concern? If I was happy. I cried during that conversation, because I realized just how sweet he was. He told me he was seeing someone else too, but that he was already over it and didn't see it going anywhere. That made me feel a little better, that it wasn't just me. We still talked, but less frequently. He didn't come in December. Partly because of me, I think, but there were probably other reasons too. I guess I'll never know.
We talked once more, on December 22nd. He texted me to ask if he could call because he missed talking to me, so I said yes, and he called. We talked for about an hour. He was so tired and sounded like he was getting sick but he still wanted to talk. He asked me everything that had been going on since we last talked, and it was a good conversation. I'm kicking myself now because he called two more times after that, and I missed the calls but never called him back. I texted him twice, once the day before he died, and one after he had already passed. I didn't find out until a week after it had happened. I can't tell you how much it hurts. He was such a special person, and he made me feel special too. He never missed an opportunity to make me feel great about myself. He also never got tired of making fun of how he said hello to me outside the library that day we first talked, and I ignored him. I don't know how many times I explained to him that I didn't realize he was talking to me, but he still gave me a hard time for it. We always laughed about that. Even though I never told him how I felt about him, I hope that he knew. I guess none of this is really too relevant to my blog, except that here is someone I met at the library and he deeply affected me and now he's gone.
This is for you Kris.
I miss you.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
We talked in the library twice, the first time when he introduced himself and we talked about music and he told me that he's from Australia (yeah...on top of everything else...an Australian accent. Swoon). He was adorable. No two ways about it. Everything about him. The next time I saw him, he wanted me to help him print out forms so that he could mail things to himself in Australia. He told me he was moving back there that weekend. I was kind of shocked, but I figured that's just my luck. He wrote down his name for me and told me to find him on facebook. So I did. Imagine my surprise when, over a week later, he accepted my friend request and wrote on my wall telling me that he was leaving for Australia TOMORROW. I found out later that he missed the original flight. This was my second chance! I was at my other job and I went on facebook when I should have been working, but this was perfect. He left me his phone number so I sent him a text to come hang out with me at work. He said he would love to but had no way of getting there. So you know what happened? My boss let me leave and go get him and then bring him back while another girl covered for me. It made me so happy. I brought him back, he hung around while I finished my shift, and then I took him home with me. I was housesitting for some friends, so we went to their house and I decided we were not sleeping. We were going to make the most of this time together and stay awake the whole night. We almost did, falling asleep at 5:30am and then waking up at 7. That night will always stay with me. I hate to sound so cheesy and cliched, but we really connected. We liked a lot of the same music, and laughed at all the same things, and I could listen to him talk for hours with that accent. It was so amazing. In the morning, I took him back to his place so he could start packing and get ready, and I went back home but then went to his place after a little bit. He was sending me threatening texts, too, saying "you better hurry up, you have one minute!" So I pretty much sat there and watched him run around shoving things in a suitcase. But I still wouldn't trade that time for anything. We listened to music together; he turned the volume all the way up on one song to annoy the upstairs neighbors because he said they were always waking him up too early in the morning, running around and stuff. I always think of him when I hear that song, and I know I always will.
The time came too quickly that his ride showed up to take him to the airport. I'll never forget him walking me to my car and giving me a kiss and then running and jumping into the van, smashing his face against the window at me and blowing kisses and they drove off. He called me from the airport. Twice. He called me when he was back in Australia. We could talk for hours. We facebook messaged. Facebook chatted. We texted. But we both got busier, he was going back to school and doing volunteer work, and we had less time to talk and text. But every time we talked he told me he loved me and always said "miss you heaps" and we would never be able to hang up. It would take forever to say goodbye, and he would make me hang up first. We weren't technically a couple, but we both obviously liked each other, and had the circumstances been different, we probably would have ended up dating. He was probably coming back in December and we would have a week or two together. Well, I started dating someone else. I told him, and he was sad, but he was ok with it. His main concern? If I was happy. I cried during that conversation, because I realized just how sweet he was. He told me he was seeing someone else too, but that he was already over it and didn't see it going anywhere. That made me feel a little better, that it wasn't just me. We still talked, but less frequently. He didn't come in December. Partly because of me, I think, but there were probably other reasons too. I guess I'll never know.
We talked once more, on December 22nd. He texted me to ask if he could call because he missed talking to me, so I said yes, and he called. We talked for about an hour. He was so tired and sounded like he was getting sick but he still wanted to talk. He asked me everything that had been going on since we last talked, and it was a good conversation. I'm kicking myself now because he called two more times after that, and I missed the calls but never called him back. I texted him twice, once the day before he died, and one after he had already passed. I didn't find out until a week after it had happened. I can't tell you how much it hurts. He was such a special person, and he made me feel special too. He never missed an opportunity to make me feel great about myself. He also never got tired of making fun of how he said hello to me outside the library that day we first talked, and I ignored him. I don't know how many times I explained to him that I didn't realize he was talking to me, but he still gave me a hard time for it. We always laughed about that. Even though I never told him how I felt about him, I hope that he knew. I guess none of this is really too relevant to my blog, except that here is someone I met at the library and he deeply affected me and now he's gone.
This is for you Kris.
I miss you.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Philandering Part 2: Van Halen Guy
I guess I should follow up that last post with some more stories about my encounters with the weird old men of the library. I actually lied, there was another time a guy not too much older than me was flirting with me and it was pretty awesome, until he told me he was moving to the other side of the world in a week. Just my luck. So, where was I? Maybe now is a good time to tell the story of Van Halen Guy.
Van Halen Guy got his name because he loves the Bee Gees. That was a joke. He actually really loves Abba. That was another joke. I could do this all night. He got his name because one night, when he was watching videos on YouTube, he loudly pronounced "Man, Hendrix only wished he could play like that. Heh. Eddie Van Halen could shit all over him!" I do know his real name, but you shall only know him as Van Halen Guy.
He soon decided that we should be friends, even though he is in his early fifties, and every time he saw me would tell me every kind of guitar he owns, and his amplifiers, and how he plays every day because he loves it so much. I don't really know a lot about guitars and gear and all that, but I always acted impressed anyway. Once he overheard me say that I was in a band though, and that really got things going. Then he wanted to be BFFs. He wanted to hear the CD. He wanted to give me advice. And he still wanted to tell me about all of his guitars.
VHG likes to google his name plus "best guitar player in the world" and show me all the hits. When his five year old son told me he wanted to marry me, VHG said "What did you do to my boy?!?" (The answer, of course, is nothing, because this was the first time I even met the kid).
VHG asked if he could take me out to dinner once. The next time he saw me, he had flowers for me. The next time after that, he said he only meant it as a friendly gesture and that he just wants to get to know me better. Then last week, he told me that he was just waiting for me to break up with my boyfriend so he can "move right in" on me. Followed up with "You think I'm joking! I'm not!" Another shelver was there, right on the other side of the shelf, and he overheard the whole thing. As VHG left, he said to that guy "She's a great girl, isn't she?"
Honestly, he is such a character, and while all of this might seem a little on the creepy side, he is one of my favorite people to ever come in the library. Sure, he got pulled aside by the cops once, when the library director found out he threatened another patron who was annoying him. But he also tells me how funny I am and that he's glad he knows me. He is one of the few people who comes in who enjoys talking to me and always says goodbye to me loudly, so everyone else can hear. It's sort of sweet, in a weird kind of way.
Van Halen Guy got his name because he loves the Bee Gees. That was a joke. He actually really loves Abba. That was another joke. I could do this all night. He got his name because one night, when he was watching videos on YouTube, he loudly pronounced "Man, Hendrix only wished he could play like that. Heh. Eddie Van Halen could shit all over him!" I do know his real name, but you shall only know him as Van Halen Guy.
He soon decided that we should be friends, even though he is in his early fifties, and every time he saw me would tell me every kind of guitar he owns, and his amplifiers, and how he plays every day because he loves it so much. I don't really know a lot about guitars and gear and all that, but I always acted impressed anyway. Once he overheard me say that I was in a band though, and that really got things going. Then he wanted to be BFFs. He wanted to hear the CD. He wanted to give me advice. And he still wanted to tell me about all of his guitars.
VHG likes to google his name plus "best guitar player in the world" and show me all the hits. When his five year old son told me he wanted to marry me, VHG said "What did you do to my boy?!?" (The answer, of course, is nothing, because this was the first time I even met the kid).
VHG asked if he could take me out to dinner once. The next time he saw me, he had flowers for me. The next time after that, he said he only meant it as a friendly gesture and that he just wants to get to know me better. Then last week, he told me that he was just waiting for me to break up with my boyfriend so he can "move right in" on me. Followed up with "You think I'm joking! I'm not!" Another shelver was there, right on the other side of the shelf, and he overheard the whole thing. As VHG left, he said to that guy "She's a great girl, isn't she?"
Honestly, he is such a character, and while all of this might seem a little on the creepy side, he is one of my favorite people to ever come in the library. Sure, he got pulled aside by the cops once, when the library director found out he threatened another patron who was annoying him. But he also tells me how funny I am and that he's glad he knows me. He is one of the few people who comes in who enjoys talking to me and always says goodbye to me loudly, so everyone else can hear. It's sort of sweet, in a weird kind of way.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Philandering Part 1
I get hit on while I'm working. A LOT. I'm not entirely sure why. Probably because I'm young, especially compared with my co-workers. I even got a marriage proposal once, but that's a whole different story. I also think it probably has to do with the fact that I've been working there for years, and I've become a familiar face to many of the patrons. When I first started working there I was young and angry and didn't want to talk to anyone, especially not creepy men. Now, I've grown tolerant of them, and even enjoy my conversations with them. Sometimes.
I think the first time I got asked out was by a guy who was close to my age, and I thought he was cute so I agreed. He asked me for the Led Zeppelin book Hammer of the Gods so I immediately thought he was awesome, and then he sort of followed me around for a while before asking me for my number and saying we should hang out sometime. It didn't work out with dating, but we're really good friends to this day and still hang out pretty often. Not bad for a first time, right?
The second time, not so much. Again, the guy was close to my age but he annoyed me right off the bat. He came in and was arguing with the librarian behind the counter about a fifty cent fine. Loudly. For a long time. It's fifty cents! Just pay it! Stop this nonsense and PAY THE FINE YOU OWE BECAUSE YOU RETURNED YOUR BOOKS LATE. Ahem. So, I walked back to put things away in non-fiction and after he was done arguing like an idiot, he followed me back there and pretended to be looking for books on philosophy, right where I was shelving, of course. I could tell he had no interest in philosophy except for the fact that I was in that section. He started talking to me and I was polite, like a good employee, and he asked me out and I had to say no, not only because he was being such a creep about his fine, but there was definitely something off about him, like in a serial killer kind of way. This guy didn't get the hint though. I got a phone call a few days later from the library on one of my days off saying that someone had brought me flowers and they would be in the staff room until I was able to come get them. I was mystified. I thought it had to be one of my friends trying to embarrass me or something. Imagine my surprise when I saw that guy's name on the tag. Along with his phone number. Ewww. Needless to say, I never called him, and luckily he hasn't come in since then.
Now, there was a guy who was volunteering at the library. That's nice, isn't it? Volunteers are pretty awesome. I thought he was nice, until I started to get those weird vibes from him. He has to be in his late forties, early fifties. One time, he asked me if I had taken my lunch break yet, because he was wondering if I wanted to share a pizza with him. I thought maybe he was just being nice, but it still seemed a little weird. He had been volunteering for a few weeks, and my co-workers that I had been working with for years had never even asked me to share a pizza with them. Probably because they know I don't eat cheese, but that's beside the point. Then, the day came where he wandered over where I was putting away large print books. This is the conversation, along with a translation of what I imagine we were both actually saying:
"So, you know, I was wondering if maybe we could go out together sometime." (I know this is totally creepy to be asking out a girl who is half my age, but what the hell??)
"What, you mean like a date?" (I know that's what you mean, but I really hope I'm wrong.)
"Well, you know, I mean, it wouldn't have to be like that, but, well, you know..." (YES I WANT TO TAKE YOU ON A DATE PLEEEEEASE)
"Oh, well, I uh, I have a boyfriend, so you know, I don't think that would really be a good idea, you know." (Even if I didn't have a boyfriend, I would have lied and said I did so you leave me alone you strange person)
"Yeah, I kinda figured you did, but I wanted to ask anyway. Here's my phone number, in case you change your mind and, you know, you just want to talk sometime or something." (I am totally relentless and desperate, please call me sometime, pleeeeease)
I felt bad so I called him later and decided he's actually not so bad, and now we're happily married.
HAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING. I never called him, but he comes in from time to time and asks if I still have a boyfriend. Yes, he really is that relentless.
I think the first time I got asked out was by a guy who was close to my age, and I thought he was cute so I agreed. He asked me for the Led Zeppelin book Hammer of the Gods so I immediately thought he was awesome, and then he sort of followed me around for a while before asking me for my number and saying we should hang out sometime. It didn't work out with dating, but we're really good friends to this day and still hang out pretty often. Not bad for a first time, right?
The second time, not so much. Again, the guy was close to my age but he annoyed me right off the bat. He came in and was arguing with the librarian behind the counter about a fifty cent fine. Loudly. For a long time. It's fifty cents! Just pay it! Stop this nonsense and PAY THE FINE YOU OWE BECAUSE YOU RETURNED YOUR BOOKS LATE. Ahem. So, I walked back to put things away in non-fiction and after he was done arguing like an idiot, he followed me back there and pretended to be looking for books on philosophy, right where I was shelving, of course. I could tell he had no interest in philosophy except for the fact that I was in that section. He started talking to me and I was polite, like a good employee, and he asked me out and I had to say no, not only because he was being such a creep about his fine, but there was definitely something off about him, like in a serial killer kind of way. This guy didn't get the hint though. I got a phone call a few days later from the library on one of my days off saying that someone had brought me flowers and they would be in the staff room until I was able to come get them. I was mystified. I thought it had to be one of my friends trying to embarrass me or something. Imagine my surprise when I saw that guy's name on the tag. Along with his phone number. Ewww. Needless to say, I never called him, and luckily he hasn't come in since then.
Now, there was a guy who was volunteering at the library. That's nice, isn't it? Volunteers are pretty awesome. I thought he was nice, until I started to get those weird vibes from him. He has to be in his late forties, early fifties. One time, he asked me if I had taken my lunch break yet, because he was wondering if I wanted to share a pizza with him. I thought maybe he was just being nice, but it still seemed a little weird. He had been volunteering for a few weeks, and my co-workers that I had been working with for years had never even asked me to share a pizza with them. Probably because they know I don't eat cheese, but that's beside the point. Then, the day came where he wandered over where I was putting away large print books. This is the conversation, along with a translation of what I imagine we were both actually saying:
"So, you know, I was wondering if maybe we could go out together sometime." (I know this is totally creepy to be asking out a girl who is half my age, but what the hell??)
"What, you mean like a date?" (I know that's what you mean, but I really hope I'm wrong.)
"Well, you know, I mean, it wouldn't have to be like that, but, well, you know..." (YES I WANT TO TAKE YOU ON A DATE PLEEEEEASE)
"Oh, well, I uh, I have a boyfriend, so you know, I don't think that would really be a good idea, you know." (Even if I didn't have a boyfriend, I would have lied and said I did so you leave me alone you strange person)
"Yeah, I kinda figured you did, but I wanted to ask anyway. Here's my phone number, in case you change your mind and, you know, you just want to talk sometime or something." (I am totally relentless and desperate, please call me sometime, pleeeeease)
I felt bad so I called him later and decided he's actually not so bad, and now we're happily married.
HAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING. I never called him, but he comes in from time to time and asks if I still have a boyfriend. Yes, he really is that relentless.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Visitation Rights
As I’m sure you can imagine, working in a library can get very, VERY dull. Not that I don’t like it there, but sometimes I'll be in the non-fiction books shelf reading, and all of a sudden I'll realize it's been hours since I've seen another human being. Truthfully, it’s kind of nice when that happens, because sometimes I get a non-stop deluge of people wanting to know where juvenile non-fiction or young adult novels are, or how to use a computer, or what have you, and it gets to the point where I’m ready to punch the next person to ask me anything. But it does get dull and sometimes I start to space out a little bit and it can be kind of depressing. Needless to say, I enjoy it when a friend comes in to visit me now and then. It rarely happens though, and the only friend I see on a regular basis is a guy that I met from working there. It can get tricky though, because technically I don’t think I’m not allowed to have visitors, but I know that if I stand around talking for an hour, I’m going to get in trouble. Anyway, there are certain visits that I will always remember. Like the time a good friend of mine came in to visit me. We were standing there talking, but he didn’t want to get me in trouble, so he kept a lookout for anyone walking by. No one did for a long time, and none of the librarians came back at all, but at one point a lady came past and he stopped mid-sentence and said “So yeah, Stephen King...yeah.” And watched until she had gotten out of earshot and then kept talking. It was hilarious.
Then there was the time my best friend came in and actually helped me shift books for a long time so that we could talk and I would still be working. I love her.
And then there was the time that my old neighbor came in and was looking at movies while I put them away. He’s an aging hippie, a really cool guy, but sometimes he says things that make you wonder just how much pot he smoked over the years. An old man who comes in almost every day came over to look at the movies I had on my cart while my neighbor was still standing there. Now, at the time, I was dating a guy who was kind of a jerk. I don’t need to go into details here. But at that precise moment, with the nice old man standing right there, my neighbor decided it would be a good time to ask me “Hey, you’re not still fucking around with that douchebag are you?”
There's really no right response to that. I looked at the old man and wondered if I should apologize, then decided to just laugh it off and walk away. It's times like that when I wish for the dullness of being all alone in the back. At least no one can embarrass me there.
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